September 11, 2012

Morning makes me wonder

have i done something wrong?

feel you at my bed side

but you're already gone

Found you drinking coffee

all alone at the porch

with defeat on your face

and with teary cheeks, scorched

Your eyes lost its sparkle

passions' no longer there

the anguish, the sorrow

in you i cannot bare

I can't even touch you

avoid looking at me

could you hate me that much

that i refuse to see

What of our promises

to forever be true

thrown out of the window

i have you, you have you?

Followed you to nowhere

at eternal sleep roam

scents of rotting bouquets

of your reasons, unknown

Then suddenly you stop

eyes looking on the ground

to a labeled stone slab

the answers have been found

I'm sorry my dear

heartfelt truly i am

we'll soon be together

and FOREVER will come

HOW COULD YOU (Sept 10, 2012)

With those sinister stares

as it burns through my skin

the infernal desire

you violate, you sin

In the stillness of the night

under covers and sleep

your presence awakes me

i curled up and i weep

With your malicious touch

and your feverish breath

you paralyze my being

i'm weakened, i wait death

By sweat of defilement

grins of satisfaction

left me in silent sobs

longing for salvation

drifting dreams fail to come

of candies and rainbows

but of guilt and of pain

shattered future, horrors

What have you done to me

how could you, oh Daddy!

is this what you called love

but its insanity

Mommy, me dear Mommy!

comfort me with your hugs

help me forget all this

this we ask you, oh God.

Realy?!

Prevention? more like Neglect...

Realy now?! after what had happened last January 13.

after all of this?

Note: on an empty Fire Truck.. tsk! tsk! tsk!

The Deeper Me

"I've been so alone all my life, couldn't give my heart to anyone, hiding myself was a man who needed to be held like everyone."

Some of my friends know who i really am, but only a few of them know me that deeply, a few of them know me that completely.

I am a Loner, by choice and heart, some may misunderstand it as just being alone, by oneself, identify it literally, but its so much more than that. As I write this post I'm still trying to identify the whole meaning of it, here's what i know as of now based of what i have been for the past years.

Its like the tip of the iceberg that sunk the mighty Titanic, you only get to see what it shows but underneath those icy cold water lies the huge mystery of it and its up to you if you let it submerge you to the bottom of the abyss or not.

I do enjoy the company of others but sometimes when I'm with friends I tend to space out and forget I'm with them. Some loners like the serenity of being alone and having the expense of doing things at their own time but in my case there are emotions attached to it.

I was in college when i got the first whiff of freedom, so many possibilities to happen and so many friends to meet but making them was a whole different thing, likes and dislikes doesn't match, attitudes clash, college people are too complicated than high school ones that's why during that time my loner streak begun. Home and school were my only routine in college but during times of boredom going to the mall alone was a simple bliss, I was a contented loner then.

I have kept ties of my high school friends intact during college days and I do see them once in a while. They are my confidants during trying times but if I can resolve them by myself I'd much prefer it but never have I expected that one particular thing could change me and my idea of being a loner.

For years these raw emotions have kept me in check of the real feelings that keeps surfacing though hard as I might to bury them.

Like everyone else I had my share of loving someone but never got it back maybe because i was never brave enough to admit it to her and specially to myself, i have always locked what i have truly felt inside, afraid of things that might or might not happen until it was too late and I have never got over it since then.

Just like the iceberg and the mighty ship, I'm slowly sinking in. I only show people what I want them to see for the fear of their judging eyes pass me, for the fear rejection, for the fear getting hurt even more and these past few days the haunting of the past have awakened, you may pass me down the street or see me on a bus ever so normal but beneath it you may be wrong otherwise.

"run into the sun and watch me run into the rain, for you the future's easy, for me its getting steep."

New Year's Most Shocking Event

A lot of things happened for the past months and i would like to apologize for not keeping you updated but the turn of the new year has been so interesting specially this January.

New Year, New Experiences, New Events and New Controversies! This is the month of festivities among the Pozorrubians. Balikbayans have come home to join this momentous event, former classmates, guests on neighboring towns, and of course the people of Pozorrubio made it all possible. Numerous days and nights of celebration, dances that never seemed to end, drums have rolled, inspirational messages that tends to be spoken, we have witnessed it all, though we sweat under the smoldering heat and grew tired under the cold night breeze, we are still enthusiastic to watch, listen and participate, but one incident engulfed them all.

January 13, 2010

It was about noon and the street dancers were performing their routines at Plaza Pergola when huge black smoke abruptly dominated the clear sky, something was burning and base on those thick dark clouds i was certain that the fire must be massive and anything that's been fueling those fires will soon be turned into rubble. I overheard someone say that the new SPA building was the one in danger so as fast as i could i rushed to the site, although i felt relieved of what i saw i was more concerned about what i had witnessed.

Multiple classrooms and the auditorium of the Pozorrubio Central School was the one being consumed by the devastating fire, inch by inch the flames started to creep and eat away the poor institution as teachers try to salvage what they could grab at the moment. Where could we turn on to, and help us save whats left of it anyway? the Fire Department of Pozorrubio? unfortunately the are NOT PREPARED! they have NO WATER in their FIRE TRUCK TANK! so useless! on the other hand we thank the swift efforts of Sison, Binalonan and Urdaneta Fire Brigade (we also commend the other towns we might have forgoten to mention) but sadly we can only look back on the aftermath of whole incident.

What has truly happened? only ONE OMINOUS RUMOR has been spreading around like that very fire. Was is an accident of a faulty wiring? A neglected turned on computer? or was it something more? I know, the People of Pozorrubio are much observant these days and most wise. They can see through any false facts thrown at them.(another example on this would be the rations incident; what has happened to all the relief goods? where multiple trucks of it came and aid us after Ondoy and Pepeng? did it just disappear?) Pozorrubians do know and Pozorrubians are very much aware and to end this post I leave you all with a phrase.

VOTE WISELY!

P.S. "bato-bato sa langit, ang tamaan wag magalit, ang pikon ay laging talo!"

Hand Charge

Another wallpaper i made just a couple of minutes ago, a bit different from the first two which involves fantasy themes, this one is a bit dark in concept with a little grotesque quality. It has an image of a hand with a mouth of some kind and of course, can you guess? light beams and sparks lol! can't get enough of those. want to share some ideas for future wallpaper post? please comment or message me at my Cbox.

Heart Rapture

Here's another wallpaper that i just made today, the title says it all, its a mixture of bright yellow and dark red which gives it a fiery, explosion effect. i just love doing light beams and light sparks. I made this using GIMP 2.6.6 and thanks to GimpKnowHow of YouTube for the inspiring tutorial it gave me lots of possibilities. Do you have ideas for future wallpaper post? please leave your comments or messages at my Cbox.