Benjoholic

Realy?!

2010-02-24T23:19:00.006+08:00

Prevention? more like Neglect...

Realy now?! after what had happened last January 13.

after all of this?

Note: on an empty Fire Truck.. tsk! tsk! tsk!

The Deeper Me

2010-02-04T19:32:00.006+08:00

"I've been so alone all my life, couldn't give my heart to anyone, hiding myself was a man who needed to be held like everyone."

Some of my friends know who i really am, but only a few of them know me that deeply, a few of them know me that completely.

I am a Loner, by choice and heart, some may misunderstand it as just being alone, by oneself, identify it literally, but its so much more than that. As I write this post I'm still trying to identify the whole meaning of it, here's what i know as of now based of what i have been for the past years.

Its like the tip of the iceberg that sunk the mighty Titanic, you only get to see what it shows but underneath those icy cold water lies the huge mystery of it and its up to you if you let it submerge you to the bottom of the abyss or not.

I do enjoy the company of others but sometimes when I'm with friends I tend to space out and forget I'm with them. Some loners like the serenity of being alone and having the expense of doing things at their own time but in my case there are emotions attached to it.

I was in college when i got the first whiff of freedom, so many possibilities to happen and so many friends to meet but making them was a whole different thing, likes and dislikes doesn't match, attitudes clash, college people are too complicated than high school ones that's why during that time my loner streak begun. Home and school were my only routine in college but during times of boredom going to the mall alone was a simple bliss, I was a contented loner then.

I have kept ties of my high school friends intact during college days and I do see them once in a while. They are my confidants during trying times but if I can resolve them by myself I'd much prefer it but never have I expected that one particular thing could change me and my idea of being a loner.

For years these raw emotions have kept me in check of the real feelings that keeps surfacing though hard as I might to bury them.

Like everyone else I had my share of loving someone but never got it back maybe because i was never brave enough to admit it to her and specially to myself, i have always locked what i have truly felt inside, afraid of things that might or might not happen until it was too late and I have never got over it since then.

Just like the iceberg and the mighty ship, I'm slowly sinking in. I only show people what I want them to see for the fear of their judging eyes pass me, for the fear rejection, for the fear getting hurt even more and these past few days the haunting of the past have awakened, you may pass me down the street or see me on a bus ever so normal but beneath it you may be wrong otherwise.

"run into the sun and watch me run into the rain, for you the future's easy, for me its getting steep."

New Year's Most Shocking Event

2010-01-14T21:45:00.010+08:00

A lot of things happened for the past months and i would like to apologize for not keeping you updated but the turn of the new year has been so interesting specially this January.

New Year, New Experiences, New Events and New Controversies! This is the month of festivities among the Pozorrubians. Balikbayans have come home to join this momentous event, former classmates, guests on neighboring towns, and of course the people of Pozorrubio made it all possible. Numerous days and nights of celebration, dances that never seemed to end, drums have rolled, inspirational messages that tends to be spoken, we have witnessed it all, though we sweat under the smoldering heat and grew tired under the cold night breeze, we are still enthusiastic to watch, listen and participate, but one incident engulfed them all.

January 13, 2010

It was about noon and the street dancers were performing their routines at Plaza Pergola when huge black smoke abruptly dominated the clear sky, something was burning and base on those thick dark clouds i was certain that the fire must be massive and anything that's been fueling those fires will soon be turned into rubble. I overheard someone say that the new SPA building was the one in danger so as fast as i could i rushed to the site, although i felt relieved of what i saw i was more concerned about what i had witnessed.

Multiple classrooms and the auditorium of the Pozorrubio Central School was the one being consumed by the devastating fire, inch by inch the flames started to creep and eat away the poor institution as teachers try to salvage what they could grab at the moment. Where could we turn on to, and help us save whats left of it anyway? the Fire Department of Pozorrubio? unfortunately the are NOT PREPARED! they have NO WATER in their FIRE TRUCK TANK! so useless! on the other hand we thank the swift efforts of Sison, Binalonan and Urdaneta Fire Brigade (we also commend the other towns we might have forgoten to mention) but sadly we can only look back on the aftermath of whole incident.

What has truly happened? only ONE OMINOUS RUMOR has been spreading around like that very fire. Was is an accident of a faulty wiring? A neglected turned on computer? or was it something more? I know, the People of Pozorrubio are much observant these days and most wise. They can see through any false facts thrown at them.(another example on this would be the rations incident; what has happened to all the relief goods? where multiple trucks of it came and aid us after Ondoy and Pepeng? did it just disappear?) Pozorrubians do know and Pozorrubians are very much aware and to end this post I leave you all with a phrase.

VOTE WISELY!

P.S. "bato-bato sa langit, ang tamaan wag magalit, ang pikon ay laging talo!"

Hand Charge

2009-09-04T14:41:00.002+08:00

Another wallpaper i made just a couple of minutes ago, a bit different from the first two which involves fantasy themes, this one is a bit dark in concept with a little grotesque quality. It has an image of a hand with a mouth of some kind and of course, can you guess? light beams and sparks lol! can't get enough of those. want to share some ideas for future wallpaper post? please comment or message me at my Cbox.

Heart Rapture

2009-09-04T13:34:00.004+08:00

Here's another wallpaper that i just made today, the title says it all, its a mixture of bright yellow and dark red which gives it a fiery, explosion effect. i just love doing light beams and light sparks. I made this using GIMP 2.6.6 and thanks to GimpKnowHow of YouTube for the inspiring tutorial it gave me lots of possibilities. Do you have ideas for future wallpaper post? please leave your comments or messages at my Cbox.

September 3, 2009

2009-09-03T18:57:00.006+08:00

Feather Pen

I just finished my first graphic desktop wallpaper using GIMP, its a combination of light beams, water splashes, and feather brushes. The colors are a mix of blue, white and light green. Its kind of a fantasy scene with all the lights and sparkle effects with the contrasting power of the beams and the serene background. Feel free to use this wallpaper on your computer or on your site (Friendster, MySpace, etc.). Hope that i could make more wonderful designs in my future posts. If you want a customized wallpaper please leave a comment or post a message on my shout box.

August 25, 2009

2009-08-25T10:56:00.002+08:00

woke up at around 8 in the morning...

figured out that my room needs a major clean up...

took all the things i would need...

started cleaning 5 minutes later...

sneezing at the same time...

sorted all the magazines...

wiped off every dusty corners...

still sneezing at the same time...

rearranged all the books...

reduced the clutter...

yup still sneezing...

got a little allergy to dust...

finished cleaning my room an hour and a half later...

took a bath...

and i'm good to go...

Lie To Me

2009-08-22T14:17:00.002+08:00

Currently released just this January, produced by 20th Century Fox Studios, a brand new series to watch for.

From writer Samuel Baum ("The Evidence") and the executive producers of "24" and "Arrested Development" comes LIE TO ME, a drama series inspired by a real-life specialist who can read clues embedded in the human face, body, and voice to expose the truth in criminal investigations.

When you scratch your chin, wring your hands, wrinkle your nose, or swallow too much, DR. CAL LIGHTMAN knows you're lying. He doesn't just think so, he knows so, because he's taken his exceptional skills of observation to become the foremost deception expert in the country. Being a human lie detector, Cal can uncover the deepest secrets and crack the hardest cases. More accurate than any polygraph test, he knows when those in front of him are being less than forthcoming, be they family, friends, or complete strangers.

Cal heads up a private agency contracted by the FBI, local police, law firms, corporations, and private individuals when they hit roadblocks in their searches for the truth. Joining him are a variety of experts in the field of behavioral evaluation: DR. GILLIAN FOSTER is a gifted psychologist and Cal's professional partner, a woman whose guidance Cal needs, whether he knows it or not; WILL LOKER is Cal's lead researcher, and he's so aware of the human tendency to lie that he's decided to uncomplicate matters and practice what he terms "radical honesty": he says everything on his mind at all times. RIA TORRES, the newest member of the team, arrives at the truth differently by acting more on instinct and using her natural, less-studied ability to read body language and catch certain clues that Cal's other pledges may miss.

Brian Grazer, David Nevins, and Samuel Baum serve as executive producers in conjunction with 20th Century Fox Television on this intriguing character drama based on the science of emotion. The show will tell stories that are not simply about the search for an elusive criminal, but also about the search for something even more difficult to pin down: fundamental human truth.

LIE TO ME probes how people can deceive themselves just as easily as they deceive others, and explores the idea that there's nothing more revealing than when we choose to tell the truth and when we decide to lie.

exerpts from http://www.filmaffinity.com/en/film942395.html

this series is a unique twist to all crime busting series out on tv so be sure to catch the latest season of LIE TO ME on FOX, contact your local cable provider now, lol!

The Axe Effect On A Restaurant Attendant

2009-08-22T12:42:00.005+08:00

An interesting and witty commercial from Axe, nice plot, great acting. There are three things i like in this video, first would be the one bit in the beginning when the girl noticed the wonderful smell of Axe, raising her eyebrow (0:08), the second would be the bit about the ketchup, notice his blank expression but completely comes to a shock when she suddenly grabs the bottle (0:14), and the last part would be the bit when she's adding on the ketchup with a seductive look on her face (0:20). A very nice Ad compared to the other Ads from Axe like the one about the chocolate man, very disturbing, and i hate those creepy eyes.

The Greatest President We Never Had - Jovito Salonga

2009-08-21T11:42:00.003+08:00

The day was August 21st, 26 years ago, a great man was assassinated, a man that could have been the GREATEST PRESIDENT the country has ever had. A man that gave voice to the mumbled cries of the suppressed, a man that was sent to prison for his moralistic ideas, a man who sacrificed everything even his own life for the love of his country.

I was a year old then when he was killed and i was not aware what was happening then, i was also wondering, did my parents actually named me after him? maybe i should ask them? or maybe not, but nonetheless of what they may say i am proud to have his name as mine, a name that stirred the hearts of millions of Filipino people, a name that signifies hope to those who have less, and a name that called the people and united them as one.

He died a tragic death but his death was not his end it was just the beginning of many great things. He may not be here mortally but his legacy still remains, and that very legacy shall carry on and be realized to be our future and the future of the following generations.

Today, August 21, 2009, its been 26 years. let us remember what has happened for the past 26 years, let us remember who started it all, let us remember the man. the man who was never afraid to speak his mind, the man who wanted to change it all, the man named;

Benigno Servillano "Ninoy" Aquino, Jr.

November 27, 1932 – August 21, 1983

What is Love?

2009-08-19T10:40:00.005+08:00

Love is like…
Oil,
That plumps us up,
Dilates the eyes,
Puts glow in the skin,
And makes us see other kinds of beauty.
Love is like…
A modern invention,
And largely an obsession.
But perhaps we might ask
What such love should be.
Love should be…
An act of will,
Of passionate patience – flexible,
Cunning,
Constant,
Proof against roasting and freezing,
Drought and flood,
And the shifting climates of mood and age.
In order to make it succeed,
One must lose all preconceptions.
Must be built…
On truth,
Not dream,
And the knowledge of what we are,
Rather than what we think of.
The sum of love is…
That it should be a meeting place,
An interlocking of nerves and senses,
A series of constant surprises
And renewals of each others moods.
Best of all…
A steady building,
From inside out.
For the wholeness, love…
Must be deeper,
To adapt to the worlds shifting sands,
Able to withstand disaffections and occasional betrayals,
Sufficiently constant to create its own area of sacred quiet,
And also strong enough in its toughest test,
And sink the best of its virtues in it.
Love is…
Not merely the indulgence of ones personal taste buds;
It is also the delight indulging another’s.
Also, in remembering simplicities such as…
Tenderness and care,
In taking some pleasure in the act of adoring
And being content now and then
To lie by ones sleeping love
And to shield ones eye from the sun.

Blood-shed

2009-08-18T11:41:00.003+08:00

Dark it was,
down at the alley,
no a sound could be heard,
it was silent,
from the face of the bright full moon,
i know, is alive.
it has eyes that could see the inner me,
the uneasiness, the fear.
i hear a heart,
pumping so rapidly,
was it someone’s…
no!
its mine, i think?
hurriedly, my feet,
moving so quickly,
as if its telling me…
nah!
it cannot be
could someone be following me?
i glanced alertly at my back,
it was too late,
someone,
something,
put off the lights out of me.
i could sense the coming of death,
sucking every last drop of life.
i was there,
lying effortless on the cold ground,
in the dark
down at the alley.

EVERYBODY (reposted from d'_unknown_shade August 22, 2007)

2009-08-18T11:31:00.003+08:00

just this morning i realized, i was EVERYBODY else, doing what EVERYBODY else does, thinking what EVERYBODY else thinks. like mindless zombies. waking every morning doing what EVERYBODY elses does. taking a warm shower, drinking your hot coffee, preparing for work, and at the office guess what, you also do what EVERYBODY elses does. acknowledging your boss you have arrived, taking your seat at your desk getting comfortable as you rummage through the piles of paper and getting started to do what EVERYBODY elses does… work. as the day ends not a thing in your mind you notice that you also do what EVERYBODY elses does you acknowledge again to your boss you are preparing to leave, as you walk out the door a sudden brush of freedom from the hell hole of work slams into your face, at home you take your dinner, have a quick shower, brush your teeth then go to bed and dream that you live in a world where nothing as it seems, no worries to fonder, lots of trouble to make, you’re carefree. the exact opposite of the world you step on since the beginning and then you wake up, sunlight blinds you eyes and then you realize it starts over again doing what EVERYBODY elses does… how about you? really! then you are one of us, a mindless zombie crawling and finding your place in a world full of nothing but utter dull things like EVERYBODY.

To do do do.. I need a Hero...

2009-08-17T11:21:00.003+08:00

A burning house, a band of banshees, group of cowboys with neon colored whips and of course Bonnie Tyler herself. A definite classic groove.

I remember this as one of the soundtrack of an interesting movie way back. Short Circuit, with a one of a kind character Johnney 5 (robots like him are "next generation" back then). The music does have a catchy tune with a fair written lyrics, but whats up with the neon whips? are those floorboards moving? creepy, what i don't get about the video is the story. the house just burst into flames and those cowboys just standing around her? and lets not forget the ladies in white curtain sheets hmmmm, anyway still worth watching with the powerful vocals of Bonnie Tyler. One of my listening favorites.

The Lady In Yellow

2009-08-01T11:02:00.002+08:00

One of the most gracious lady we have ever laid eyes on, i was a small child then and i hardly know anything what is going on.

The First Lady President of the Philippines.

The lady who overthrew the Dictatorship of the Marcos Regime and the beginning of the realization of a Democratic country.

For the past month of suffering from cancer, shes now at peace, she died at 3:18 a.m. Saturday according to her son Sen. Benigno "Noynoy" Aquino III from cardiac arrest.

The Philippine people are in deep mourn for the loss of a wonderful leader and a gentle person.

You will be forever treasured and remembered.

Maria Corazon Cojuanco Aquino

1933-2009

My Plates

2009-07-31T09:41:00.012+08:00

in continuation with my art labels here are some of my plates back when i was in college, some of you might be probably wondering, yes i did took up architecture but it was too much for me so i made a 180 degree turn and continued being a commerce student, i know drawing is in my blood but too much stress and the late nights is not for me, so for now I'm sketching, freelance.

My Final Fantasy

2009-07-10T09:32:00.005+08:00

One of my fondest memories growing up is playing video games, Back when i was little i used to play on my Nintendo's Family Computer (i bet some of you remember that particular early console) and some of the many cartridges (yes, we call them cartridges) i used to play are Contra, Ice Climber and of course who could ever forget Super Mario, and as years go by my gaming instinct still searches for more, until when i was in college have i discovered a game that became a big part of my life.

The second installment of the Final Fantasy Franchise (the first was Final Fantasy 7) Final Fantasy 8 was released 1999 directed by Yoshinori Kitase developed by Square Co., Ltd. it was a dream come true to play this wonderful game. I quickly became attached to the the many characters of the game particularly the main character himself, Squall Leonheart. The game revolves around issues such as war, friendship, family and Love which is why the game became a complete success.

I can never get enough of this fantastic game so thats why I'm giving it a special tribute here, thanks to TheBigLT of Youtube i managed to find this video consisting of the first 11 cutscenes of the game:

Opening (Liveru Fatali)
Quistis
Balamb Garden
Zell Dincht
Dollet Assault
Selphie Tilmitt
The Communication Tower
Robot Chase (part 1)
Robot Chase (part 2)
Rinoa Heartilly
Rinoa and Squall at the Dance

This is just Part 1 of the 7 compiled cutscenes from Final Fantasy 8 game, and now i leave you with the most famous quotes from the beginning of the game:

"I'll be here..."
"Why...?"
"I'll be 'waiting'... here..."
"For what?"
"I'll be waiting... for you...so... if you come here... you'll find me."
"I promise."

untitled 1

2009-06-18T18:08:00.002+08:00

one of the few drawings i did when i was in college

it was August 22, 2000

inspired by the movie Cruel Intentions 1999

My Former Blog Site

2009-06-17T16:55:00.004+08:00

i was just rummaging through my FS (Friendster) applications when it hit me, what happened to it? was it deleted or anything like that? so i have to see for myself.

it was still there all right, nothings changed, no activities, not even comments but to hell, it was still there. I'm still surprised as i read through my entries, can't even imagine i wrote all of it, (actually not all, some of them are excerpts and contributions from people i know, some are from my friends) i even did an online journal, so much sentiments and emotions well enough of that.

published some of my written works, from poems, essays, short stories and some random things that come to my mind, either from personal experiences or from work (majority from it are due to stress related issues).

it was sentimental, it was my first, everything i put in it was me, the real me. the different side of me. The Unknown Shade.

and for those of you who want to experience my humble beginnings as a blogger fell free to visit: http://unknown-shade.blog.friendster.com and for those who have, thanks. will keep on posting.

2009-06-16T16:14:00.003+08:00

i went up to Baguio yesterday and i was so flustered with all that was happening, its been so long since i went back, years i think? the hell with the long traffic due to a land slide kakainis talaga we have to go through different streets just to make up for the lost time luckily the taxi driver was so intuitive but unfortunately it was too late, so nothing else to do but go back home and when it seemed everything else feels wrong it started to rain so we waited long enough under a shed for an empty taxi, it was a long and tiring day. can't say no more.

Too Bad

2009-06-13T16:56:00.002+08:00

So sorry for the long gruesome wait, i was just waiting for the right material to post, don't want to bother readers with senseless things, but today is a little different because today i just found out that a great blogger has posted his last entry last May 12 here on Blogspot. Its so sad that he has to go, taking all with him his entries, but on the lighter side it was probably for the best because now he has his very OWN domain and it looks great, for those of you who wants to see his new and improved site its located at www.planetmarkus.com, and for Mark Rosario, good luck on your new site and more readers. Cheers!

Twisted Girl

2009-06-11T10:36:00.004+08:00

I was just looking through some videos on you tube when the radio behind me (listening to radio while using the computer at the same time, lol) played a random song which I instantaneously recognized. It was from a group called Take That from 1996 i presume and the song actually was a revised version (can't remember who did the original). What i love about this video is the twisted side of it, didn't know how it began but all i know is this girl is one hell of a psycho, kind of reminds me of the music video of Pink if you know what I'm talking about. Anyway its worth publishing and i hope you like it cause i sure am, definitely a classic. enjoy!

i was kind of wondering what happenned to them (Take That)???

i remember now who did the original, i think i was the BeeGees

Lord Of The Rings The Unknown Side

2009-05-11T12:42:00.004+08:00

i was just browsing through some of my favorite art sites when i stumbled upon this flash image, a scene from one of the influential movies of all time so out of curiosity i clicked it, i was totally aware that it was a flash image but i was taken aback of what i just saw, it was so hilarious, see for yourselves.

i guess this will be the first of many flash images i will post on my site, so watch out for some more funny, more weird stuff.

Random Pics 6

2009-01-13T15:14:00.001+08:00

Random Pics 5

2009-01-12T15:11:00.001+08:00

REFLECTION

January 10, 2009 Town Fiesta Grand Parade

2009-01-10T14:15:00.014+08:00

Farewell

2008-12-29T12:18:00.004+08:00

We've lost someone special today, she wasn't just a pet, she's a part of the family. I didn't get much sleep last night for i can't help but listen to her whimpering. She was in great pain. She didn't eat for more than two weeks, just water and yesterday at about twelve noon she was already hurting inside. She was yelping for almost fifteen hours. She was crying. She was dying. As i lay in bed trying hard not to listen but couldn't I started to pray. I prayed for her pain to stop and ease her suffering, let her finaly rest. At three this morning she was already gone and its about time, she had suffered long enoughand deserves her final rest. We've had her since she was little and her mother before her which was also family. She's cute, wonderful and sweet, perhaps even greater than any other dog possible. She's just so unconditional. I will surely miss her. I used to call her many names but today she deserves only the best, her own...

MISHA

2001-2008

a great friend, a part of the family

COMPLETE & FINAL List of the Singing Star Discovery Yr. 4 Finalists

2008-12-22T15:47:00.003+08:00

Bulilit Portion

Angelica Picardal
Aliah Maric Ulalan
Mary Grace Mejia
Maybrielle Nabor
Denice Gonzales
Jasmine Chloe Vinluan
Hazel Bautista
Shaira Itliong

Pwede Pa Kami Portion

Roland Palisoc
Mayeth Laguit
jun Mendoza
Juliet Reyes
Fernando Buada
Florence Gonzales
Joel Abella
Ricky Bive

Main Portion

Rez Aldrin Salcedo
Roselle Elaine Estayo
Christina Calachan
Claire Anne Guleng
Zenaida Cera
Brirajim Balbin
Ludmila Nabor
Rosanna Mendiogarin

GRAND FINALS: JANUARY 14, 2009 at 7:00 PM, PLAZA PERGOLA

Singing Star Discovery Year 4

2008-12-22T14:27:00.014+08:00

It has been three years of wonderful music, three years of special talents, three years of unexpected discoveries and now on its fourth season the ripening fruits of labor and enthusiasm are just right for the picking, who would stand out and be the ultimate taste, the cherry on top of the sweet cake of victory. The one and only champion.

Singing Star Discovery has long been enterprising the local talents of the Pozorrubians within its 34 Barangays. Participants of different ages are categorized into three groups. Kids from 6 to 14 years old are amusingly placed in the Bulilit Portion while oldies but goodies ages 36 and above are respectfully placed in the Pwede Pa Kami Portion. The highlight of the show, the Main Portion with contestants ages from 15 to 35 truly gives the audience something to blow thier minds off. For the past three years we have witnessed how these incredible talents bloom into big stars and be recognized by their fellow Kabaleyans, hoping that one day they can be showcased for the whole country if not the whole world to see. As the January 2009 Town Fiesta approaches it is with great pride to present the fourth installment to such a successful singing competition ever in the humble town of Pozorrubio, thanks to sponsors who generously give their utmost support. The two lovely couples; Bert & Anita Orinion and Eddie & Noemi Laguit both from the land of smiles, Hawaii and specially to the Honorable Mayor Emma Chan and Former Mayor Artemio Chan.

The show wouldn't be entirely possible of not for the following persons whom ever since the beginning gave their time and effort in making it stand for four years, namely; Engr. Igo Garcia, Engr. Joel Desamito, Jess Parras, Joe De Leon, Engr. Orly Guillermo, Dong Igoy, Ruben Morales, Rene Balangue, RR Ronquillo, Jaime Palaroan, Marvin Tacla, Art Caparas, Bernie Calpito, Ben Pacites, our master auditioner Rey Garcia and to the masters of ceremonies Donna Songcuan (yr. 2-3), Jovilyn Sarabia and yours truly.

It has been seven weeks (Saturdays) of grueling eliminations until the final performance, one more week to go and the list of finalists are complete until then, we'll see you at the big night on January 14, 2009.

Mabuhay Pozorrubians!!!

Random Pics 4

2008-09-13T16:47:00.002+08:00

a homeless guy (taong grasa) dreaming peacefuly of food that would fill his empty stomach, satisfying his hunger from his endless search from trash bins all over town, picking up scraps on the road, will someone give him some love (PAG-IBIG), how ironic isn't it?

Random Pics 3

2008-09-13T16:43:00.002+08:00

Osmena Ave. (Day)

Osmena Ave. (Night)

Random Pics 2

2008-09-13T16:37:00.002+08:00

DUSK

theres nothing more beautiful when light draws near to darkness. a thin line comes between them. not to dark and not to bright... and silence fills the air.

Random Pics 1

2008-09-13T16:22:00.009+08:00

here are some photos taken from my phone after a long rain...

Surviving a Storm (finale)

2008-09-12T10:27:00.003+08:00

i know its been a month since my last post and i do apologize for that, there are many things on my mind lately so i have to make it up...

H. PLAY AS A PSYCHOLOGIST/PSYCHIATRIST TO BROKEN HEARTED FRIENDS

Don't you hate seeing your friends suffer as you did then? you know what they are going through, you know how they feel. why not play up as an unlicensed therapist and get the rewarding feeling of helping a friend in need, of how to cope up with a painful rejection. based now on your experiences you now guide them on the do's and don'ts on hie to properly administer a successful and hassle free break-up. take out the notes your mother lectured you cause now is the time to get your Ph.D.

I. TAKE UP A NEW SPORT

the lists are endless, enjoy the thrills of the game, accept the little disappointments, you may love it or hate it, get those uncertainties back into your system, gives you something extra each and everyday, infect you with natures adrenaline. trust me you'll need it as you battle on the court, wander your eyes, surprisingly there are more prospective relationships hanging around the bleachers.

J. BUY A 200-PIECE JIGSAW PUZZLE

for what you might say? how dumb can you get?! what are puzzles for? SO YOU CAN ASSEMBLE IT OF COURSE AND KILL TIME TO GET OVER HIM/HER!!!

This concludes the simple tips on how to survive the most darkened hours of your life, eventually winning back some of your dignity and at the same time aid you in the process of moving on and finding a new true love.

YOU WISH! LOL!

July 19, 2008

2008-07-19T10:55:00.003+08:00

you know what,
i miss you
i miss the times...
when we were together.
the times when we were happy or sad.
the times when we face each day
with passion, with love.
i miss everything about you,
your eyes that glisten
and penetrates to my very soul,
your lips that's oh so sweet
yes! specially that one.
your hair that sways with the breeze
and smelled of your favorite shampoo.
i miss the things you do,
your soft hands
that finds its way to my face.
the way your arms
tightly wraps around me
for that wonderful warm embrace.
the countless kisses,
so tender, so true.
i miss them all.
i will surely miss you,
even though at one time
i saw you with another man
doing the things with him
as the way you do to me.
i will never forget that one slap.
the very slap that started it all.
i did it with a heavy hand,
it made your heart broke,
but that's not the only thing that's broken
your arms, your ribs, your neck.
i even stabbed you
a couple of times,
left you swimming
in a pool of your own blood.
farewell now to the memories,
farewell now to the past.
the only thing left for me to do now
is close your apartment door,
without a feeling of regret
or a feeling of remorse
but you know what..
i miss them all
and surely
i will miss you.

-pacites

July 17, 2008

2008-07-17T03:50:00.001+08:00

as it echoes through the horizon
as it draws the curtain of tears
you sense a feeling of lightness
driving away your sorrows and fears

puddles of emotions lay on the floor
filling the gaps, the cracks, the holes
it reflects your innermost desires
to the minds of restless souls

the ripples that darts on the surface
continuously disturbs the silence
it grows bigger, it grows wider
and opens the window to the heavens

-pacites

July 16, 2008

2008-07-16T03:32:00.002+08:00

-a tribute to the resident evil series

there's just one thing on my mind
the very one thing that have kept me alive
the only thing that i can do at the moment
until the remaining ounce of strength deserts me.
i have to keep pushing,
i need to keep on running,
even though the streets looked the same,
every corner, every alley
covered with a chilling darkness
as it seeps through your skin.
they can smell your fear.
they wanted to have a taste of your flesh
but i shouldn't give in
i desperately need to live
but there's no escaping them
every turn that i take
i know that they are there
they lurk in the shadows
they see through the cracks
they are just there
just waiting,
waiting for me to get tired
waiting for me to take a breath
waiting for me to stop.
death arrives on scorched wings
i thought i was safe, for a moment
but it was a mistake
as footsteps draws closer and closer
dragging on with their dead bodies.
i tried to outrun their insatiable hunger
but i was pinned down
slumped to the ground
their cold hands maneuvered over my body
tearing off my skin as i scream.
piece by bloody piece
they gorge themselves
they are eating me alive
i was gurgling as they rip through me
blood spurts from my mouth
from then on i knew
that my terrible fate have been sealed
i wasn't meant to survive
i was just one of their food.

-pacites

July 15, 2008

2008-07-15T17:15:00.003+08:00

i feel nothing but the cold
the sting of an empty soul
beneath those fiery stare
lies a heart of frozen coal

it held me with a chilling touch
that made me tremble and moan
but not with freight or of fear
just a feeling of being alone

i cried to someone, to anyone
but nobody seemed to hear
for my voice is muffled, silent
to a vast space that looked so near

struggled hard as i might
for tender hugs and warm embraces
but the bars are tightly chained
and i am tied with icy laces

it broke me, torn into pieces
carried while i was bleeding
and laid on the floor of shattered memories
left with everything, i have nothing

drowned myself with my own tears
as i let out a foggy breath
it was cold, it was my last
for i feel nothing, i feel death

-pacites

My Friend's Wedding

2008-07-09T15:04:00.021+08:00

i know its been two months since my last post, its been so hard for me to find suitable materials for everyone to read, anyway heres one thing that pops in my mind it was last May 24, 2008, it was one of my closest friend's wedding, it was such a wonderful wedding, so many people, so much to see so here are some of the pictures i took with my phone, sorry for the clarity though:

"take this ring as a sign of my love.."

the veil

so many people movin' about

with Bride's Parents

with Groom's Parents

The Groom and Bride

now

HUSBAND and WIFE

and of course

The Future Godparents of thier Children.

LOL!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Surviving a Storm (continuation)

2008-04-30T09:26:00.002+08:00

D. WORK OUT

Faith may give you a scare sometimes because one of these days you might accidentally get acquainted again with your ex and upon seeing you look so miserable will give her/him enough satisfaction of over-powering you even more and reducing your sorry piece of ass into rubble, labeling you "LOSER OF THE YEAR!" so get your hands off that remote, get your butt off that couch, enroll yourself in a nearby gym, start a new diet, take pilates class even order that exercise machine that you've always watched from that shopping network. Build up a sweat, carve up that body and for once you can take that satisfaction from your ex's face and wear it as your own ever your paths get intertwined, regretting how she/he being so stupid of letting your hot smokin' body go.

E. MAKE YOUR MOM YOUR NEW BEST FRIEND

Probably the best tip i ever heard of. If any problem may arise who's the best you can turn on to? think no further, well your mom of course! amids all your so called friends, your mother is far more or the best at least to get the most wonderful advices you could ever get. For a fact she did went through this once or twice in her life you know and upon those experiences she can concoct boundless words of wisdom any self help book ever published. "MOTHERS REALLY KNOWS BEST!"

F. WRITE A NOVEL

What better way to pour out those emotions that to write a book about it, rewrite some of the chapters, turn yourself as the protagonist of the story and make your ex as the villain, the big bad wolf or even the evil step sisters you know how it goes, a happily ever after you've dreamed of. It may turn out to be a best seller, how you've changed from the "nobody" to a "SOMEBODY" in blinking lights, as you look how long the line of people are a certain person step up from that same line, you take a quick glance and write up those words to her copy at your book launch laughing inside "WHO'S THE LOSER NOW, JERK!"

G. CATCH UP WITH THE LATEST VIDEO GAME RELEASE

Go out, go to the mall and buy that bulky XBOX 360, the wireless Nintendo Wii or that small pocket size PSP and spend those lonely nights breaking those high scores, unlocking hidden secrets/levels, memorizing those button combinations and beating up that computer controlled player picturing it as your ex, unleashing those deadly blows or combos and that final finish for that perfect knock out resiting those two words of a job well done "GAME OVER!"

-to be continued

Idle Mind

2008-04-28T13:35:00.002+08:00

time easily slips by as he stared into space, looking at the dim light bulb, as bugs' swirls around and around, thinking nothing in particular like the bugs idling about. he straddled off into the kitchen and on the table was the same food he ate the day after with flies swarming over it. just looking at it made him sick enough and yet he ate it, thinking nothing of how long at had been lying there or of the awful taste just like the flies filling only their empty stomachs. at the bathroom nothing seems to come out on the rusted tap. damn those bills keep coming while waters nothing. when was the last time he used the shower not that he care. he hadn't even used this mildewed tiled room for day's even weeks. back at his room he picked a certain shirt from the dozens on the floor. it had a print of a skull with a snake coming in and out of the eye sockets. smells moldy. to hell with those rats as he stared at one the sleeves counting eleven small holes and seven big ones. who cares anyway? he seated himself on the floor and took out a box from the trash heap underneath the bed. he pulled out a sealed plastic full of powdered substance. his soul food, his life, everything seems to spin at his eyesight; feeling of lightness enveloped his whole being; soaring up to the clouds. he was in total bliss. he pulled out two other objects from the box and stared at it and for the first time that day he was in deep thought.
"no one can stop me not even me, I'm invincible!"
first h slashed his wrist, blood oozing from the cut. seeing the red liquid dripping into the floor put a smile on his face. he felt nothing, no sting, no pain, no nothing. so far his cynical plan is working. next he pulled out this shinny thing, lifeless yet murderous. he pointed it at his temple and thought.
"i have gone this far why not go through it!"
and at that moment the room seems hotter than usual for he was sweating all over. blood still flows from his cut wrist and at unexpected time tears starts to glide from his cheeks.
"no force can stop me. no god can take this moment of glory from em, for i am my own god!"
his body began to tremble. he have never been worried this much in his lifetime, then in a split second a loud noise filled the entire room and then there was silence only the sound of death echoing at the walls. on the floor soaking in a pool of blood lays the body, the carnage of a man thinking nothing in the world but himself until the last minute of his damned life.

Buttered Toast

2008-04-28T13:20:00.006+08:00

I know right before i saw her until the day i married her that this might last forever or so i thought.

Fifteen years of marriage wasn't too easy yet wasn't difficult. Problems come and go but we managed to go through it. i wouldn't consider this relationship a perfect one, but all i know is that we live each day to the fullest. we quarrelled sometimes but we loved each other. We didn't have children but i didn't blame her for that, although I've always dreamt of having one who would call me daddy or just looking at them playing at the lawn or even carrying them on my shoulders. I even thought of adapting one but then i realized that if this is our fate I would gladly accept it, cause hey! we still have each other to fill each others needs; each hopes and dreams; each sorrows and joys. People often ask us of how do we keep our marriage tight and I often answer, "she loves me , I love her back; she converse with me I listen, vise versa and one important thing we bonded our love to the man above." Sometimes I think that if I married her without the following reasons we might have ended like everybody else, separated, lost, lonely. not until the day that changed our whole lives.

It was just an ordinary day with morning paper on both hands, coffee on one side of the table and the toast on the other. I reached for the toast, savoring its oven fresh smell. Oh, how this crunchy bread has savored my mornings for the last fifteen years of marriage, as my teeth touches the toast right there i knew something is wrong. She never buttered my toast for the last fifteen years.

The following day was her routine check-up and then there it was without a trace of how it all started. She was diagnosed of blood cancer yet she seemed so healthy and alive. Her rosy cheeks and milky white skin deteriorating. God! I wished I could take her place. I can't barely imagine the pain she's going through. Seeing her smile even though in great agony made me sick that I could only burst into tears. How could destiny play with people's lives like this? We were so happy, so in love yet this will shatter everything.

Day after day she slips away, day after day sh dies bit by bit and during those times I fill her with own life. Her sickness started to show signs, her eyes lost its sparkle, and her skin looked pale and her body tires easily. I was always at her side. I can't think of her all alone in moments like this. I was holding on able to hear her breathing in my ear, able to feel her heartbeat with mine. We were one soul.

Then one night as we were about to sleep she held my hand and stared at me with tears in her eyes. I asked her what's wrong but she answered me with a question. "Will you still love me?" I put my arms around hers and without doubt I answered "Till the day I die my love is yours, forever." with a smile she closed her eyes and left, then and there in my own arms. I know that she's gone, as simple as that, she didn't even give me a chance to say goodbye but then I thought who cares about goodbyes she never even left. The memory of her and her love still lingers in my heart, still i held her while I cried throughout the night savoring the remaining warmth of her body.

Today longing for her sweet caress and warm hugs never leaves my mind. You know what i rally miss most about her, those tender lips that I used to kiss everyday when I'm with her. Oh! Those were the times. People often ask me how did I survived my greatest tragedy in life and I often answer, "I know that she loves me, of course I love her back; I talk to her, she listens and one important thing we bonded our love with God."

Surviving a Storm

2008-04-19T15:52:00.005+08:00

You've probably seen this a million times from movies to actual events, from friends or even personal experiences, one thing leads to another. First, it feels like you own the whole world, the next thing you knew everything's shattered. You can't contain the pain, it always finds it way to the surface. It shows in your actions but most of all it shows on your face. You can't plug out those never ending streams of tears from your eyes. It seemed BREAKING UP is really hard to do.

a question pops:

"HOW AM I GOING TO SURVIVE?"

answer:

By facing your normal life without your ex one day at a time like everybody else. Concentrate on your studies/work, hang out again with your friends you've neglected and take in the following tips I've read in a magazine years ago;

A. STAY AWAY FROM YOUR MOBILE PHONE

Never underestimate the new technology, it may store your million pictures, play all your stored songs but it still is that little sneaky device used for communication. Store it away on a cabinet, under lock and key then have your mom hide the key in a place she knows you can't find because for one thing, once you've stared at your phone long enough it starts to cloud up your mind the next thing that happens you're dialing your ex's number sobbing like crazy asking him/her to take you back. Remember the golden rule of breaking up "Once is Enough!"

B. NEVER ASK FOR ALL THE THINGS IN YOUR EX'S PLACE

The love letters you've sent, those plushy teddy bears, all the photo frames with your pictures on it, the love fern. (love fern?) Its another classic maneuver of communication just like the "cellphone" thing but more on the personal level. Do you really want to be seen by your ex look like hell as you exchange hateful words and pathetic excuses as it leads you begging on your knees? I don't think so! Get this hard and straight, whats left in your house that belongs to your ex is yours and vice versa, there's no need to bring it back, here's the best way to deal with it which brings us to the next tip;

C. BURN ALL HIS/HER THINGS

The love letters, don't even bother reading them again, two words "BURN THEM!". Them plushy teddy bears? get a real sharp scissors and start tearing them to pieces and then trow em into the blazing flames. All those pictures? look at them for the last time but don't shed a tear dear, instead, wear a sly grin on your face as you toss them one by one over the burning decapitated teddy bears.

-to be continued.

PBB Teen Edition Plus: SCRIPTED!!

2008-04-18T15:31:00.003+08:00

April 17, Thursday

This Episode got me all stirred up, its all happening too fast, is this really a "REALITY SHOW" or everything is just based in a piece of paper, Really now!! They say that the people who watches the show (text votes) are responsible for the housemates destiny if they should stay in the house but the way i see it, its BIG BROTHER (Kuya) who decides who's gonna go or stay.

Its a battle between the two nominees: LINDA and JOSEF, here's when the manipulation begins. Kuya give Linda a choice between figthing for a chance to stay or a voluntary exit in exchange for a reuniting family outing in which obviously she couldn't refuse. I didn't see that coming, NOT! and so the voting stops and its all confirmed and at another point about Josef, her aunt's health problems, why bring in the guardians in the first place, surely during the first season of teen edition none of this had happened and why now? a hidden agenda perhaps? If a guardian wishes to leave the so would be the teen representative and what choice could they have, another voluntary exit possibility. Then comes father and son: JOHN and KEVIN, about the circumcision (tuli) issue, does Kuya know that he's already crossing some cultural borders? Kevin may be part Filipino but hasn't he noticed that theres another part of him that's not and because of the tension and stress Kevin may be another candidate for a voluntary exit. Isn't it to obvious, Kuya may have already chosen the big winner and the only thing that matters now are the others.

assuming Kuya's voice:

"you! I don't like you, go home!"

"you! you're annoying, get out!"

"you're not circumcised, you're evicted!"

"you! you! and you! you're not supposed to be here, go pack your bags!"

"you! you're my favorite, you're the BIG WINNER!"

will you tell me is that scripted or what!

Up and Running

2008-04-18T14:43:00.003+08:00

Having a formally established blog is a first on my to do list and since active friendster accounts do support this application I was hoping it would suffice my creative writing juices, publishing all my literary pieces and even putting up a more personal journal. I did enjoyed it a few times unfortunately I came to the realization that none even dared to look at it, though hard did i try to encourage all my friends, desperate as I might, even posted it on the bulletin boards, non of them seemed to care. Friendster and other similar sites such as MySpace or Multiply are first and foremost personal networking services, a place where you can find old friends or even meet new ones, although they may have certain blogging capabilities none of them comes close to official Blog sites that serves it real purpose, limitless blogging. in connection to the Friendster mania, look me up at http://profiles.friendster.com/shadedheart if anyone of you wish or care to add me up.

Since this would be my very first posting, I would like to sum up the things that you might be expecting from this humble site, from meager personal experiences to a more community/political ponders, from little "somethings" to everything... anything. (I might even re post some of my poems from the blog on my friendster account) I know for sure I might not please everybody with my writing, some may find it a little awkward and weird but I am certain about one thing, I would try my best to give you quality materials, (haha materials?!) stir up your minds, interact your imaginations and bring back the pleasure of writing and reading sensible yet entertaining articles. Bear with me for a little while as I fortify my foundations and invoke the accumulated knowledge over the years.

Let me turn on the lights, flip the pages as i resurrect the past and jut down the present, its showtime!

Let the Blogging begins!!